


in the moment

by eruukat



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Canon, Rated T for language, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also rinoa does the word blending thing she does in the japanese ver, and squall does not have too many responsibilities for his age anymore skfjgksjdfngksjdgf, at least. by ff viii world standards but yknow, im begging yall, intentionally in all lowercase, it didnt make it into the english localization and thats a shame.. the concept is rlly cute imo, its set shortly after the ending, let the ff heroines say fuck, rinoa is safe, squall has some insecurities about wanting to be cuddled and also . not knowing how to kiss, theyre a bi power couple even if its not explicitly stated in-fic and i need yall to know this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24781519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruukat/pseuds/eruukat
Summary: squall learns to be vulnerable even about the small things, like cuddling and kisses, and he and rinoa begin to learn how to trust and love.
Relationships: Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	in the moment

being around rinoa is the only time squall truly feels like he’s in the present.

he’s trying to learn from ultimecia’s mistakes as well as his own, and he tries to pull himself into the present on his own, but it’s instant and effortless whenever she enters the room. no matter how tired or awake he is, it’s like a snap of her fingers, and he’s a little more alive and a little more real. 

whether she’s talkative and he’s merely there to listen, or whether they both have a lot to say, or whether neither of them are talking and they’re sitting there, looking into each other’s eyes until one of them smiles and looks away. they’re always in the moment, and squall’s thoughts even out into something more peaceful and content than he’s felt in a long, long time.

his thoughts are probably the calmest when they’re absolutely silent or whispering; he holds rinoa in his arms and she’s warm and solid and he’s so thankful she’s real and alive and in his life now. he’ll take off his gloves and hold her face in his hands, and she always, always presses a kiss to his palm or wrist in return. every time, he smiles and ducks his head away. she smiles--some days full of unfiltered adoration and warmth, and other days triumphant, as if it’s a game to see who can make the other feel the most loved, and she’s glad her strategy is working.

sometimes little worries still sneak in. is it weird that they’ve saved the world together and brought down a fascist sorceress but he still doesn’t know how to kiss his girlfriend for longer than a brief peck? would it be weird if she held him once? sometimes she looks so comfortable, he wishes they could switch and maybe he could lay on her chest and she could hug him or something. he knows she loves him, but it’s impossible to get the words out and ask, and insecurities aren’t killed quite as easily as field monsters. ...or lab monsters. or--

point is, he was trained for many things, but not this, and it seems a little stupid for a mercenary to ask his girlfriend to hold him or let him rest his head on her shoulder. for hyne’s sake, he’s not a fucking baby.

...but then again, she isn’t either, and he holds her all the time. this is just between the two of them, so it’s not like anyone else will be finding out anyway. unless she tells selphie or quistis or the others about him? does she? he isn’t sure if he would be flattered or mortified. 

(mortified. definitely mortified. he’ll have to keep an eye on the way they look at him from now on.)

would it be easier to send her a message or tell her in person? does she check her messages often? wow, this is shaping up to be rather complicated. uhhh. maybe he’ll see if typing is easier.

he stares at the blinking curser on an empty page for thirty minutes, fingers stiffly hovering over the keys, before he turns off the computer.  
he doesn’t even remember to log out, and the next time he signs into his account, he is greeted with an inbox full of nonsense, all sent supposedly from himself.

xxx

it’s been weeks since the celebration party, and cid is still working out who will run seed.

squall stood his ground for once and spoke his mind to cid; it was a long discussion, but the gist of it was that squall may have led the attack against the sorceress, but he can’t keep acting as seed’s headmaster, mostly because he’s seventeen and completely unprepared to carry an entire mercenary school/orphanage fusion as a full job. or even a part time job, honestly.

for now, he is splitting leadership roles with cid and edea, and even splitting the work is just as stressful as he’d feared.

it’s exhausting, and it’s hard to make plans, especially since his schedule is all over the place. he wants to demand some kind of consistency, but he already stepped down from the position he was given, so is he really at a place to ask for more from his superiors? squall may be an ass, but at least he knows when to shut up, so he keeps to himself and keeps going.

making plans with rinoa is enough to motivate him through work. they’re meeting up at his dorm today, so they might be able to take it easy and nap for a while.

she’s waiting by his door when he gets there, and they both fumble for a bit before rinoa pulls him into a close hug, idly drawing shapes on his shoulders with her fingertips. they step back after a while, and she asks, “how are you, darling?”

squall sighs, and the action drags him down before the weight on his shoulders begins to lift. “tired,” he admits. “but it’s whatever.”

she sighs as well, but hers is lighter and more teasing. “somehow i knew you’d say that.” she tips her head towards the door. “is it locked?”

“yeah, lemme find my keys.” they’re in his pocket, and as the doorknob clicks open, he asks, “how about you?”

“you know how it rained the other day?”

squall manages to get his first boot unzipped as he says, “uh huh.” 

“well, selphie and i went to check the wood panels for the garden festival rebuilding to see if they mildewed and they’re disgusting. really revolting. revusting, if you will. disvolting?” rinoa ponders, pausing for a bit before she’s back to setting their shoes to the side in a neat line.

“disvolting sounds better, but i wouldn’t go with either,” he snorts.

“okay fine, but it really was disgustingly revolting,” rinoa laughs. by this point, they’re in his room, so she flops down on his bed, arms spread out like wings. 

“you still don’t have to combine everything.”

she sticks out her tongue at him and raises her hands to make grabby motions. “yeah, yeah. get over here, silly.”

squall sits down next to her and waits a beat before he lays down an arm length away. rinoa rolls over so they’re face to face, and he takes her hand in his and kisses her knuckles. it’s a little clumsy, but she’s beaming and he finds himself smiling back without even realizing it. all thoughts about the whole cuddling thing melt away, and as cheesy as it is, he finds himself preoccupied at matching eye contact. he isn’t lost in her eyes or anything dramatic like that, but there’s something special about just looking at each other. not quite sharing unspoken words, but a connection nonetheless.

rinoa kisses his knuckles back, and that gives squall the courage to ask, “hey, can we try something different today?”

it feels like he’s asking for more than he is. it feels ridiculous.

“of course, honey, what is it?”

“um. just. different. i don’t know how to say it.”

this has her frowning. “oh. what do you mean?”

“hold on. can you stay right there? tell me if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

oh god, that probably won’t reassure her at all. whatever, so he’s wording things wrong already. they’ll move on. probably.

she’s still frowning, but to her credit she doesn’t look fully worried, and she doesn’t look like she’s scared of whatever he’s trying to convey. mostly just confused, really.

he shuffles closer and hesitates for a good while before he eases his head onto her shoulder. she doesn’t protest, so he rests his forehead at the crook between her neck and her shoulder, hand hovering by her ribcage. that’s when it seems to click and she exhales in one long, relieved breath, wrapping her arms around him and holding him closer.

“you had me worried for a second,” she whispers, very amused.

he sounds a bit more defensive than he’d intended to as he retorts, “i didn’t know how to ask,”

“i know, i know. i’m sorry i haven’t held you before, i didn’t know you would want me to.” she starts running her fingers over his hair, smoothing it down until the fur of his jacket tickles the edge of her hand, then repeating the motion.

squall closes his eyes and lets his hand rest on her back. “don’t apologize. it’s my bad.”

“okay.” rinoa whispers with comforting finality, like the topic is over and there’s nothing else he should ever be worried about. she kisses the top of his head like it’s a form of punctuation, and while it doesn’t feel like much--just a brief pressure--somehow it still feels important because it’s rinoa. “thank you for asking me.”

he smiles and realizes she can feel the brush of his lips against her neck, and that fills him with a weird, warm, fuzzy sensation. he wonders if he’s allowed to press kisses along her collarbone.

they’re happy and cozy where they are, though, so the thought passes him and they stay as they are.

xxx

after that, he’s still a bit insecure about the Not Knowing How To Kiss thing, but it doesn’t feel as bad as before. he’ll actually have to voice this one, but at least it’ll be easier now, so he thinks he can do it.

he decides to bring it up the next time they’re visiting, which unfortunately winds up being a visit to rinoa’s dad’s place. her dad let squall and rinoa stay in her room with the door closed, but the idea of general caraway of all people walking into them kissing is… not very motivating, to say the least.

a few hours go by uninterrupted, though, so squall swallows and tells himself it’s still worth a shot.

“hey, rinoa?”

rinoa stops messing with the row of plushies on the edge of her bed so she can look back at him. “yeah, what’s up?”

how should he ask again? he knows she’s dated several people before, since she’s mentioned having a girlfriend in the past and there was her fling with seifer, so maybe he could ask about that? no, that’d sound like he’s insecure about her exes, and that’s not quite true. he just wants to know what she liked about kissing them at the time, so it’s more of an experience question? or rather, what she knows she likes, and how he could learn to do better. 

“do you have any kissing advice?”

she covers her face with both hands as she laughs, and for some reason her face is turning pink, like she should be the one who’s embarrassed. “oh noooo, you saw the magazines?”

the. the what?

apparently he forgets to say that, cause she keeps laughing for a bit before quieting down and going “ohhhh. oh, you. you didn’t see them.” she waves her hand as if it’s nothing. “sorry, when i was like 13 i collected a bunch of cheesy teen magazines with kissing advice and stuff. i thought you saw a stack of them in a corner or something. it was so stupid of me,” she’s smiling as she looks back at the plushies, but her face is still red.

“oh.” squall lifts his arm to scratch at the back of his neck. “no, i was serious.”

“you were?” she asks incredulously. “but i like your kisses.”

“do you like longer kisses though?”

“what, like making out? yeah, of course. i’d be happy to kiss you more.”

squall feels more and more fidgety, but he bottles it up and forces himself not to bounce his leg or tangle his fingers together. the feeling builds up in his limbs and he isn’t even sure why. he stays rigidly still and insists to himself he’s in control and he’s not worried about anything.

“no, that’s not it. i don’t know how.”

he’s afraid of messing up, of grossing his girlfriend out and making her feel like she has to play it off as nothing because she won’t want to hurt his feelings. or what if kissing is too good? that’s fully unknown territory, and he has no idea what he’d do then. keep kissing her until they’re tired? that doesn’t sound so bad, but then what? how does kissing even work….? 

rinoa is inching closer and he realizes she’s holding his face. “it’s easy, i’ll show y--”

there’s a scratching at the door and she freezes like she’s been caught with murder.

“rinoa, let the dog in!” her dad’s voice calls faintly, and she sighs, muttering something about “motherfuck” and “angelo i love you but i swear to hyne…” as she forces herself to get off the bed and open the door. angelo runs in, circles around the room for a good ten seconds, then stares up at rinoa, panting with his little doggy smile like he knows what he did and he doesn’t even feel any remorse.

“what are you looking at, buddy?”

angelo keeps panting.

rinoa nudges at him with her foot and mumbles, “shoo. get out, i wanna kiss my boyfriend. angeloooooo…….come oooooon….”

by the time angelo leaves, the mood is gone, but squall can’t complain about receiving a few more brief kisses.

like always, he chickens out and they move on before they can properly kiss. and as usual, rinoa doesn’t give any indication as to whether she feels lacking or not.

xxx

it’s been a week or two, and they’re holding hands as they explore the area around edea’s orphanage. 

the ruins don’t trap him anymore. or rather, they don’t smother him anymore.

when squall first returned to the orphanage, it felt like too much; like everything all at once, partially because it was in a literal sense. he was remembering the whole truth, reliving everything all at once, each memory unravelling and surrounding him and choking him with nostalgia and pain and the loss of what could have been. what should have been, he told himself at the time.

but now the rose tinted glasses have been lifted, and he can be nostalgic and miss the past but remember everything honestly all at the same time.

he doesn’t want to go back anymore, and he doesn’t want to replace what he had anymore. rinoa’s hand in his own is plenty, and ultimecia taught him that he has to move on.

ultimecia made her choice, and she paid for it. the price of living in the past is steep, for that person and everyone around them. squall chooses to live in the present.

but moving on doesn’t mean abandoning the past, and he does owe edea’s orphanage for some memories with rinoa. so that’s why they’re there, moving past old buildings and the beachfront and watching the ebb and flow of the ocean. 

they get to the meadow of flowers where rinoa brought him out of time compression, and he squeezes her hand without thinking about it.

“everything okay?” she asks softly.

squall gives a sharp nod and catches his breath. “yeah. just...weird.”

“should we leave?”

he looks down at the white flowers by his boots, so she continues, “i mean, i get it, you almost died here. it’s okay if this place brings up bad memories.”

he purses his lips together. “i didn’t think you’d come for me,” he manages eventually.

her expression sinks along with her shoulders. “honey, i’m so sorry… i’m so sorry you had to wait.”

“i didn’t think anyone would ever come for me. after ellone left, i mean. when i was a kid.” he swallows and tries to keep eye contact with her, but opening up is still hard, no matter how soothing rinoa’s presence is. rolling clouds on the horizon catch his eye, and watching them sluggishly drift by helps. “i thought i’d be alone for the rest of my life.”

“is that why you got lost?”

he nods and something lukewarm slides down his cheek. he ignores it.

“i knew you cared about me, but it was hard to focus on. i couldn’t stop thinking about that feeling. i, uh. wound up here again and i saw myself. as a child.”

rinoa waits for a few seconds, then realizes he’s waiting for a reaction. “what happened?”

“matron was looking for me and i told her i’d be back. my kid self or whatever. she smiled at me and i felt like i could finally leave, but ultimecia showed up. i watched her possess matron.”

“god, i’m sorry…”

“it felt like i’d always be stuck fighting her. and...always be stuck in the past, i guess. and then i was in the void you found me in. i kept calling and no one would answer…it felt like moving on was pointless cause you would always die or something would go wrong, or i’d be back in the void.” rinoa opens her mouth, looking heavy with sympathy and guilt, but he continues, “but you came for me.”

“of course. we promised. and i love you,”

squall can finally look her in the eyes again. “i know we promised. but you came, and that means a lot.”

“do people usually not follow through with their promises for you?” rinoa looks less concerned than before, but it’s still lingering behind and squall doesn’t understand why.

“usually never made promises in the first place. just didn’t talk to people that way.”

“squall, you know that all of us would’ve come for you if we could’ve. right?”

would they? he trusts everyone a lot more than he used to, and he knows now that they’re all friends, but it still seems awfully convenient that they would do something like that for him. it seems unrealistic to expect things like that from people that aren’t rinoa, even though he knows that sort of thing is probably normal for most people. he’s glad rinoa seems to believe in others that much.

he brushes it off. “i know. but i wanted to thank you.”

“well, you’re welcome then!” she replies immediately, fading back into her usual bright demeanor.

“and… i love you, too.”

rinoa smiles widely, though there’s still something sad in her eyes. she presses a kiss to his cheek. “good! i’m glad. you deserve love, squall.”

it’s hard to imagine a world where squall has all the friendships and family he’s needed, but then again, he never thought he’d have someone like rinoa in his life, either.

maybe she’s right. it’s easier to believe when it’s coming from her.

xxx

once they’re tired, they sit down on one of the fallen pillars by the meadow. they’d arrived in the morning and somehow the sky was already turning shades of pink and orange--surely it hadn’t been that long? squall could’ve sworn it was only a few hours.

“should we head back soon?”

“what, and miss the sunset?” rinoa teases. “i wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“do you really wanna be outside with the moon?”

“afraid i’ll get sorceress possessed again? sorceressed?”

he snorts. “no, but our track record hasn’t been the best.”

“but we’re here now, so our record can’t be that bad,” she points out with a grin. “here.” she turns at an awkward angle so she can pick one of the flowers behind the pillar they’re sitting on. she brandishes the flower with a ‘ta-daaa!’, then takes a moment to tuck it behind his ear. “it’s a good luck charm! now you’re safe.”

“i wasn’t the one i was worried about,” squall deadpans.

“i dunno,” she hums. “seems to me like you should be more self-aware of that sort of thing. besides, it’s not a full moon. it doesn’t look the way it did when… well, when everything happened. it’s just a liiiiittle sliver of a crescent.”

something still feels off, but rinoa looks like she’s having fun, so he can’t say no. “alright, fine, we can watch the sunset. then we go back.”

“yes!” without warning, she throws her arms around his shoulders in a big hug, adding a “thank youuuu.”

“no problem…”

they sit there together for a while, holding hands and looking at the sky and occasionally stealing glances at each other. eventually, squall shifts and pulls the flower out from behind his ear; rinoa frowns for a second, disappointed, and he puts a finger to her lips before she can say anything.

“hold on…”

he tucks her hair behind her ear, but the strands keep spilling over his fingers or over her shoulder. he keeps tucking all the loose ends back with feather light touches, and rinoa shivers almost too subtly to see. he slides the stem behind her ear and smiles at the way the white petals bring out the various shades of black and brown in her hair. “there. for good luck, right?”

“hey, that charm was for you! i put sorceress magic into it and everything,” she jokes.

“it looks prettier on you, though.”

“you can’t say that!” she sputters, but she doesn’t look upset in the slightest. “how would you like it if i said you look really handsome with flowers?”

“well, you look nice with or without flowers.”

rinoa shoves his shoulder playfully and lifts her chin a little and squall realizes he’s already lost. “well, i think you’d look nice no matter what! you don’t have to have nice bangs or cool jackets or anything for me to love you. you’re always handsome.”

ah, how is he supposed to give a compliment like that? he can’t think when his face is all warm and he’s full of the fuzzy feeling again. “thank you?”

“you’re welcome!” and she presses another kiss to his cheek, just like earlier that day in the field. she leans back and the sunset casts her in a warm, peachy light, and before he can manage another thought, he lifts her hand and presses one, two kisses to the back of her hand.

her shoulders raise a little bit out of a mixture of giddiness and embarrassment, and she licks her lips briefly before pressing a kiss to his neck.

it tickles a little, and it catches him off guard enough that he worries for a second he’ll lose his balance. it doesn’t feel quite as magical as everyone makes it out to be--it definitely just felt like lips on his neck--but it was….nice. he wouldn’t mind more.

squall shifts a little closer and presses a few kisses on her cheeks, her jawline, and her neck, and by the time he pulls back, rinoa’s wrapped her arms around his neck and she’s pulling him in for a kiss on the lips.

this kiss is just as human as their other kisses; a little bit awkward, given that kisses are nothing more than pressing lips together after all, but this time feels different. safer, kinder, maybe more free now that they have all the time in the world and no one to see or stop them. 

the world narrows down to all rinoa, rinoa, rinoa in that moment, and the feeling of her lips moving against his, warm and steady and her chest rising and falling with each breath. they break apart for a fraction of a second and then they’re back for one, two, three quick kisses, and they breathe for a second before that number goes up to five, six, seven, eight…

it’s unimportant to keep count when rinoa clearly isn’t going anywhere.

they aren’t going anywhere, and for the first time, squall fully trusts that things will stay that way.


End file.
